13 Rules for Effective Communication in the Classroom #11 - Withdrawing and Isolating

       Withdrawing or isolating from your students can be as harmful as outbursts of anger. These behaviors can create powerful experiences of abandonment and rejection in people, and in a classroom, they can create a wall between the students and the learning. If we�re so out of control or frustrated that we just can�t handle it anymore and order our students from the room, we risk leaving them with powerfully negative memories.
       Example of Withdrawing: �We�re not talking about this anymore. Say another word and you�re outta here.�
       Example of Engaging: (Getting at their level one-on-one privately) �I'm sorry if I sound frustrated�that�s my issue and I�ll work through it. I still want to show you respect, but it�s getting difficult. I�m going to give you another chance to ______. I know you can ______, and I believe in you. We�re going to improve things then talk about this after class.�
       Then we finish class, come back with a calmer heart, and talk about things. And when we apologize to them for our over-reactions, continue showing them respect, and daring them to their potential, they are more likely to realize we still care about them and aren�t abandoning or stone-walling them. It might be a little bit about them, but it�s a lot about us. They see us modeling self-control and digging into our own hearts and will eventually learn how to do this difficult process themselves.

       Example of Isolating: �You�re going to sit over here so you don�t disrupt your fellow students.�
       Example of Engaging: The teacher might talk with the students around them and ask for their help guiding their fellow student. If we work together to help all the students, we can accomplish more. But sometimes a student just needs a short separation to calm down. This needs to be done with care and have a definite end-time. You might ask the student, "So how can we make this work?" or "What do we need to set you up to succeed today?" or something. Then focus on ways to praise them for their efforts the rest of the class period.

There are so many possibilities here, and we want to hear your thoughts. What other ways do you (or other teachers) withdraw from, isolate, or stonewall students? What ways have you found success in engaging instead?

 

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These rules are adapted with permission from Roger and Becky Tirabassi's premarital workbook for seriously dating and engaged couples - The Seriously Dating or Engaged Workbook. Roger and Becky have also co-authored a book for married couples called Little Changes Big Results for Crazy, Busy Couples. The principles in these books have changed so many areas of our life. We highly recommend them.

13 Rules for Effective Communication in the Classroom #10 - Angry

Thanks for joining us on this journey. We hope you'll tell us your stories and thoughts about each rule because we teachers are all in this together!

They probably already know. Their emotional radar detectors are up, and they�re probably already feeling the tension. Heck, they may have been trying to make us angry! What they need from us is to know why things are happening so they can feel safe.

Anger is a secondary emotion. It proceeds from other primary emotions like hurt, irritation, frustration, insecurity, abandonment, rejection, fear, or uncoolity (made that word up).

To communicate well with our students, we should never tell them we�re angry, because that isn�t accurate. We are something else. For this to be effective, we�re going to need to teach our students what certain words mean. Cue Emotional Vocabulary lesson. What is frustrated? Disappointed? Disrespected? Scared? Sad? Ignored? Impatient? Any of the emotions their actions frequently stir up in you. Once we�ve frontloaded things by teaching these words, then when we�re in the moment, we have a common language.

So instead of, �I am so angry with you right now!� which breaks Rules #4 & 10 . . . we could say, �When you looked at that paper in your backpack during the quiz, I felt disappointed that you didn�t follow the rule.� Once again, this isn�t just a play with words. This is real stuff. Words are powerful, and when we take the time to choose better words, we are loving our students. 

Here�s what our word switch accomplished:

• We modeled how to stay calm.
• We used the specific situation.
• We used our specific emotion.
• We communicated how we were feeling.
• We modeled how our student can communicate his feelings.
• We kept our student from getting defensive.
• We kept communication lines open.
• We focused on the rule.

That�s a great start!

 

Check out the other rules >>>



These rules are adapted with permission from Roger and Becky Tirabassi's premarital workbook for seriously dating and engaged couples - The Seriously Dating or Engaged Workbook. Roger and Becky have also co-authored a book for married couples called Little Changes Big Results for Crazy, Busy Couples. The principles in these books have changed so many areas of our life. We highly recommend them.